Shattered Bliss [4/20]

I look into the depths of my soul as I wonder exactly what sorrow I have discovered. The world has a way of throwing a person head first and body limp into the more earth shattering of "truths". The "truths" that in the wide scope of things were more than likely best left unsaid. It is crazy that in all honesty I rather not have concrete evidence that at times you may fantasize about another woman because at times I find myself fantasizing about another man? Is the real reason I would be hurt by the actual proof is because now as a woman I have to face it. I've come face to face with your real live fantasy and that in itself hurts because as a woman I know have to compare myself to every aspect of her. Is it weird that although I know physical actions didn't happen that the very thought of this person, this woman on your mind makes me sick to my stomach because she was made a reality? I don't believe it is. I witnessed this feeling and although it wasn't my personal situation I could relate. I could sense the hurt, pain, and humiliation. I honestly felt bad. What made me feel worse is that it was another black woman tearing down another black woman just because she wasn't getting her way. As a woman I am already at a disadvantage but as a black woman I feel like there are no breaks in life for me. I associated with the most negative and callus of women just because society doesn't know to portray us as anything better. I'm characterized as a bitter black women before I even have a chance to open mouth, shallow and uneducated before I can take a solid breathe all because a few of us decide to keep permeating the stereotypes that will forever hold us back because we all it. It is sad that as a black woman to be seen as strong means angry instead of the enduring peacefulness that was demonstrated by women such as Coretta Scott King, Michelle Obama, and many other positive black women in the public eye. It is sad that the young black girls of my generation look up to women like Kat Stacks, Evelyn Lozada, and other women of color in the media who demonstrates how not to act. When have little girls getting video taped and brutally assaulting one another like it's ok. Young women barely out of middle school making sex tapes. Girls considering themselves the perfect "wifey" material because they can roll a blunt and some fool still on similac told them that their sex game was spectacular. Yet we as black women do nothing but bicker and backlash but wonder why the men in our own race degrade us. And in no way am I justifying the degradation coming on their part but can I really blame them? They are only doing what we allow them to do. What we as black women have told them is acceptable and that saddens me. I'll continue to pray for us because something has got give. I have been body rocked out my ignorant bliss. Yours will be coming soon.