Tuesday, October 25, 2011
10.25.2011
Love is a powerful thing. So powerful it can be overwelming. Whether it is a love for a friend or a significant other it is one of those things hard to let go once it is there. It may be a thin line between love and hate but that line may be long and strong. I've times wondered because the only way I know how to love anyone is hard and strong that it's a weakness. A parasite preying on the inner walls of my heart. Because I love so hard I am constantly hurt and let down by people who I have given my unconditional love to. It has gotten to a point where I refuse to let myself develop new friendships and new potential love interest. I feel damaged like a wrecking ball have broken my ability to want to feel the undeniable power of unconditional love. I have never wanted to close myself up but now I can't help it. I keep new people out and even other ppl that I have grown to love at a new found distance. I am walking in a new found terriorty that I am not used to. A coldness I am not welcoming but it has over taken my ability to fight it. I wonder am I alone in this feeling? Am I the only one dealing with this? This closed feeling. It's almost as overwelming as this love and the pain cause with the people that come with it. Maybe the key to true forgiveness is the forgetting part because with the memories you can experience the pain of the situation all over again. God isn't through with me yet and this revelation that I had compelled me to share. Leave your thought if you want.
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Perhaps, it's not that love is hurting you, or the people who don't seem to be loving you back, but that you have unreasonable or un-communicated expectations of them. I only say this because I have been very open to looking at my unreasonable and un-communicated expectations of other people. I expect much, without telling my lover what I expect from her and that's not fair and I end up feeling hurt. It's my fault, but I am willing to look at it as a learning experience. My expectations have dwindled over the last few years and that has been a great gift to myself.
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